Depression, happiness, life, marriage, Mental health, Motherhood

Roller Coaster

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Spring is nearly here

This past week I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions. I was missing my husband who was away for work for two weeks, nervous about being 100% responsible for my son, feeling guilty because I wasn’t having enough time to walk my dog as much as I normally do, and was also happy and excited, looking forward to a weekend away with friends. A bit sad, a bit nervous, a bit happy and a bit guilty. It’s exhausting feeling so much…

My husband came back at 5.30am on Friday morning, took our son to school and then went to work. I went away with my friends at lunchtime, so we barely had a chance to catch up. I then went to Birmingham with two friends to visit CRUFTS, the dog show, for the first time. I was very excited and got almost hysterical with happiness once we arrived at the NEC on Saturday. I absolutely LOVE dogs and this place was like the Mecca for anything dog. Dogs everywhere, stands selling stuff for dogs, arena displays, talks, the lot. I walked around all day with this massive grin on my face. We then had a brilliant celebratory dinner and Sunday was time to come home, a bit hungover.

After so much excitement, I was bound to feel down, because when I go up I normally slump down at some point. Just now, nearly a week later, I started to feel ‘even’ and balanced again. I hope that I stay like this for a while.

The sunshine and the imminent arrival of Spring is helping…

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happiness, life, marriage, Mental health, Resilience

A few numbers

numbers18I had my hair cut really short 3 times. Each time it marked some life event. The first time was after I broke up with a boyfriend of two years. I felt free, I learned how to drive and I started partying a lot. The second time was after I was recovering from a breakdown in New York. That was the worst time in my life, but it was also wonderful in many paradoxical ways. I had met the love of my life, my true soulmate, and was making very tough decisions. Finally, the third time was after my dad died. I just didn’t feel like the same person I was before without him in this world.

I have taken 10 different medications for depression and/or anxiety throughout life. I still take one every day and another one occasionally. According to my psychiatrist, I should be on these for the rest of my life.

I have seen 11 different therapists and psychiatrists.

I have lived in 9 different houses/flats.

I had 11 different jobs.

I have lived in 3 different countries. I have visited 21 countries.

I got married (and still am) once, I have 1 son, 1 dog and 2 cats.

I have one pretty amazing and at times scary life.